I wrote an earlier post about long-term homesickness which was a prevailing feeling I was having earlier in the year. I have since been home to New Zealand for a fairly extended period and consequently returned to Japan. I'm happy to report that I do not feel homesick anymore. I miss my family, the ease of life in New Zealand and the weather (the lovely cool days of early spring). But I am also very happy to be back in Japan with my family (MY family: my kids and my husband), back in my own home and the weather hasn't been too bad. 

I do still feel a longing for something but it's probably a feeling of grief after the loss of my father, and partly regret. Regret is a strange one. I sometimes feel regret for the choices I have made in my life. I question whether it was a good idea to marry my husband not because of anything bad, only that I couldn't imagine what it really means to spend your life in a foreign country. 

I think ageing is part of the feeling as well. We're not old but I feel like we're heading that way. Obviously we all are! But we're semi-empty nesters now with our kids both gone from home. We're well past the age and phase of having young kids but not quite at the age of thinking grandchildren will arrive soon. We're not thinking about retirement and yet we're not far off from the age when people typically used to retire. 

I guess this jumble of thoughts is all to say that I feel much more comfortable having both feet in two cultures right now. I needed a break from Japan -- mainly the exhausting weather, but also the exhaustion I feel from language and cultural misunderstandings. But having had a break I can now appreciate Japan again. We have a great life. There is much to be grateful for. Nothing is perfect anywhere. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that the grass is greener somewhere else but actually we have a lot of green grass here. A lot!

New Zealand is amazing, but not without its faults. One thing I know for sure is that if I could bottle up the gorgeous scenery and natural environment it would sell like hotcakes. The next best thing is bring you New Zealand wool. :) And that is something I am more excited about than ever!